How to Phrase Your Questions When You Need Honest Answers

在工作中，我们常常会遇到需要发现真相的情况。你的上司可能不愿告诉你今年没有晋升机会，是因为担心让你失落、难过或者引发冲突。再比如，你的团队成员可能会说一个对自己有利的谎言，以避免因项目延误而被指责。对于一些严重的员工违规行为，或是项目出现重大问题时，你可能需要收集真实的信息与证据，以便做出决策或寻找解决方法。这时，仅仅问一句“你怎么会漏掉那个关键信息？”或“我为什么没被提拔？”是不够的。

Oftentimes at work, we encounter situations that require us to uncover the truth. Your manager may not want to tell you that you don’t have a chance at a promotion this year because they fear they’d upset you or trigger a conflict. Or your team member may tell a self-serving lie to avoid getting blamed for a delay on a project. In a serious instance of employee misconduct or when things go terribly awry on a project, you may need to gather truthful information and compile evidence to make a decision or find a way forward. Simply asking, “How did you miss that critical piece of information?” or “Why didn’t I get promoted?” aren’t enough.

我们来看看马歇尔的故事，他的经历融合了我们在研究与工作中所接触到的多个真实场景。

Consider the story of Marshall, who is a composite of a few different real-life scenarios we have seen play out through our work and research.

马歇尔是一家战略咨询公司的商业分析师，最近一直在关注一个备受瞩目的数字化转型项目，由项目经理克洛伊领导。马歇尔很清楚，抓住这个机会，将有助于他快速晋升。他在同事的介绍下得知这个项目，于是立刻给克洛伊发了邮件表示有兴趣。然而，他至今未收到回复，其他同事却已经陆续加入项目组。马歇尔不太清楚其中的原因，因为他的行业背景和工作经验与客户所在行业高度契合。

Marshall is a business analyst at a strategy consulting firm and has been eyeing an opportunity to join a high-visibility digital transformation project led by Chloe, an engagement manager. Marshall knows that landing the opportunity would set him on the fast track for a promotion. He emailed Chloe about the opportunity after hearing about it from one of his peers. But he hasn’t heard back from her yet, and other peers are already getting staffed on the project. He’s not sure what’s causing the hold up since his background and experience match well with the client’s industry.

但他并不知道，克洛伊仍对他上季度与另一位项目经理合作的医药项目中的表现有所顾虑。那位项目经理曾向她反映，马歇尔在面对客户提问时并不果断。因此，克洛伊担心他难以胜任与客户对接的岗位。

What Marshall doesn’t know is that Chloe has lingering concerns about his performance on a pharmaceutical project he worked on with another engagement manager last quarter. The manager had told Chloe that Marshall lacked assertiveness when questioned by the client, and Chloe is concerned that Marshall would struggle in a client-facing role.

马歇尔意识到，自己必须尽快弄清问题出在哪里，及时做出必要调整，否则等项目人员全部安排完毕，他就彻底失去了机会。具体来说，他需要找到合适的方式与克洛伊沟通，通过提问来获得真实反馈，从而了解她对自己的看法。他应该怎么做？

Marshall knows that he needs to figure out what the problem is so that he can make necessary adjustments before the project is completely staffed. Specifically, Marshall must determine how to approach Chloe and pose questions that would elicit honest information about Chloe’s impressions of him. What should he do?

如何发现真相？

How to Uncover the Truth

根据上述情境，以及我们关于“提问方式对欺骗的影响”研究，我们总结出基于实证的建议，可帮助你让对方说出实情。

Based on scenarios like this and our research on the effect of question phrasing on deception, here is evidence-based advice on how you can get people to tell the truth.

1. 在谈话前做好功课

1. Do your homework before starting a conversation.

在开始谈话前，做好准备工作至关重要，尤其是当对话可能具有对抗性时。你越是准备充分，越有可能成功发现真相。

Homework is particularly important before you begin a conversation, especially for those that have the potential to become confrontational. You are more likely to succeed in extracting the truth when you are well prepared.

我们曾开展一项关于“专家如何识别保险欺诈”的研究，采访了一家大型汽车保险公司的特别调查员。研究发现，他们之所以能够成功查明真相，关键在于和行骗者面谈前所做的细致、周密的准备工作。这些特别调查员会走访社区，与证人交谈，检索数据库信息，并收集相关证据。当他们与索赔人对话时，调查员对所有事实都了如指掌。

In a research study that we conducted on how experts detect insurance fraud, we interviewed special investigators at a large auto insurance company and learned that one of the key reasons for success was the careful, detailed work that investigators undertook to prepare for interviews with those who had committed the fraud. These special investigators canvased neighborhoods, spoke with witnesses, conducted database searches, and gathered evidence. When they spoke with claimants, the investigators had all their facts right.

所以，如果你想从上司那里了解自己为什么没有晋升，就需要先准备好扎实的事实依据。你可以梳理一份自己工作成果的时间线，并私下与信任的同事交流，了解自己的贡献是否被他人认可。此外，你也可以了解其他同事晋升所需的时间、他们具备哪些技能，以及你的技能与他们的匹配程度，同时掌握业务部门的当前情况。充分准备事实信息，不仅能增强你的说服力，也能引导对话朝着获取真相的方向发展。

So, for example, let’s say you want to find out from your manager why you weren’t promoted. You need to develop a strong fact base. You should record a timeline of your work achievements and privately discuss with trusted peers whether and how your contributions have been valued by others. Get a sense of how long it has taken your peers to get promoted, what skills they had and how your skills match theirs, and what the current state of the business unit is. Being well prepared with facts makes you more persuasive and helps steer the conversation towards the truth.

2. 为坦诚沟通打好基础

2. Lay the foundation for honest communication.

在对话开始时，要先明确彼此之间信任与诚实的前提。费城的危机谈判专家、侦探约瑟夫·罗夫南（Joseph Rovnan）经常会问对方一个问题：“你希望我对你诚实吗？”几乎所有人都会回答“是的”。借此，他为坦诚沟通打下了基础。

Start the conversation by laying the groundwork to build honesty and trust. Detective Joseph Rovnan, a crisis negotiator in Philadelphia, routinely asks his counterparts the following question: “Do you want me to be honest with you?” Invariably, people say “yes,” and he builds a foundation for honest communication from there.

在对话早期确立这种沟通规范，是促使他人坦诚沟通的最重要的步骤之一。当然，对方可能仍不愿透露某些细节，比如领导基于自己的身份，无法披露公司敏感信息。但这并无不妥。他们可以建立信息分享的边界，明确哪些内容属于保密范畴、哪些需要与他人商议，或哪些信息的披露超出了他们的权限。他们清楚哪些内容可以讲，哪些不能讲——这本身就是一种诚实的表现。面对这种情况，你应当尊重对方的边界，同时继续强化诚实、可信的沟通规范。

Establishing this norm early on is one of the most important steps you can take in eliciting honesty from others. Of course, there are always some details that the other party would rather not disclose—such as a leader not being in a position to divulge sensitive company information. And that’s okay. They may set boundaries by explaining what is confidential, what they would need to consult with another party on, or what they do not have the authority to disclose. But in that, they’re being honest in what they can and cannot tell you. In such instances, you should acknowledge boundaries and still reinforce the norm for honesty and credibility.

3. 建立融洽关系

3. Build rapport.

融洽关系是指双方相互表达积极态度与兴趣，从而产生熟悉感与好感，进而建立起彼此间的信任。

Rapport is the mutual expression of positivity and interest that breeds familiarity and liking, which can help establish trust between individuals.

• 以轻松的语气开启谈话，先从寻找共同兴趣入手。
• 在交流过程中，多请对方澄清或解释细节，以展现你在认真倾听，并投入其中。
• 保持尊重。当对方发言时，对他的观点给予认可；不要打断对方，以免使其感到被轻视。
• 表达同理心。这有助于理解他人的感受，从而建立起信任。
• Open the conversation with a lighter tone and start by seeking common interests.
• Ask your counterpart to clarify and explain things to show that you’re attentive and are invested in the conversation.
• Be respectful. When they speak, acknowledge your counterpart’s point of view, and don’t interrupt them as that can make them feel inferior.
• Express empathy as it helps validate other people’s feelings and builds trust in return.

4. 精心设计你的问题

4. Frame your questions thoughtfully.

根据我们的研究，在明确传达了你希望坦诚沟通、建立起融洽关系之后，重要的下一步就是提出“直接问题”（direct question）——我们将其定义为直截了当的询问，是为了寻求具体回应，几乎不给对方过多阐释或回避的空间。但关键在于“直接问题”有多种，你要选择正确的类型，因为这将影响你获得怎样的信息。大多数人通常会提出三种类型的问题：“一般性问题”“假设有情况的直接问题”，以及“假设一切正常的直接问题”。

After telegraphing a commitment to honesty and building rapport, the next important step, according to our research, is to ask a direct question. We define a direct question as a straightforward inquiry that seeks a specific response without much room for interpretation or avoidance. But the trick lies in asking the right kind of direct question, which influences the information you receive. Most of us typically ask questions that fall into one of three categories: general questions, direct questions that presume a problem, or direct questions that presume normalcy.

在研究中，我们发现那些“假设有情况的直接问题”比其他两种问题更容易得出诚实的回答。此外，提出“假设有情况的直接问题”的人更可能被认为是知识丰富、态度果决的。

In our research, we found that direct questions that presume a problem are far more likely to elicit an honest response than general questions or direct questions that presume that there is no problem. Furthermore, we found that individuals who ask direct questions that presume a problem are more likely to be perceived as knowledgeable and assertive.

让我们来看另一个例子。假设你是招聘经理，正在与一位候选人面谈。你打算向其发出录用邀请，但想先确认对方手中是否还有其他可能接受的、具有竞争力的工作机会。如果你提出“一般性问题”（如“你求职进展到哪一步了？”），或者假设候选人没有其他工作机会（“你是不是很期待加入我们公司？”），你可能无法得到所需的回答。但如果你假设存在某种情况，问对方“目前是否有什么顾虑让你难以接受这份工作，比如手头已有其他录用机会？”，候选人更有可能透露自己确实在考虑另一个职位，而不会有被逼迫的感觉。

Let’s consider another example. Say you’re a hiring manager and you’re meeting with a job candidate. You want to extend an offer, but you want to uncover whether the job candidate has a viable, competing job offer that they might accept. If you ask a general question (“Where are you in your job search process?”) or one that presumes the candidate has no other options (“Are you looking forward to this job opportunity at our company?”) you may not get the response you need. But if you presume a problem (“Is there anything holding you back from our job opportunity, such as a competing offer?”). The job candidate becomes more likely to disclose that they have another job offer without feeling cornered.

5. 让欺骗变得更难

5. Make deception hard(er).

欺骗——即出于自身利益而向他人隐瞒真相的行为——往往难以被察觉。欺骗看似能在短期内带来一定好处，因此具有诱惑力。但是，可以通过某些方法，增加他人欺骗你的难度。给我

Deception—the act of keeping the truth hidden from someone for one’s own advantage—is difficult to detect and there are often short-term benefits that make deception tempting. But it’s possible to make it hard for someone to deceive you.

首先，尽可能选择面对面交流。说谎者需要控制自己的语言和情绪表达，因此当面说谎比通过电话或电子邮件等远程方式要困难得多。

First plan to have the conversation by meeting in person. To lie, people need to control their verbal and emotional expressions, so lying to someone’s face is more difficult than lying at a distance, such as on the phone or over email.

其次，设法通过提问增加对方的认知负荷（cognitive load）。说谎需要人更加努力地思考以区分真相与谎言，这会增加认知负荷。让我们回到招聘经理的例子。招聘中的一个常见挑战是如何核实候选人的资历和成果。有些候选人可能会夸大自己的技能、经验或资质以显得更具吸引力。为应对这一挑战，招聘经理可以通过询问一些不符合时间顺序的经历，或要求提供具体细节，来进一步增加候选人的认知负荷。这会让人们在回答时更容易出错，从而帮助你辨别真相。

Second, try and boost the cognitive load on your counterpart. Lying requires us to think harder to keep track of the truth and the lie, and that increases the cognitive load on the person. Let’s go back to the hiring manager example. A common challenge for hiring managers is verifying the qualifications and achievements of a candidate. Some candidates may exaggerate their skills, experience, or certifications to make themselves more appealing. To counteract this, a hiring manager could further boost a candidate’s cognitive load by asking about something that happened out of chronological order or asking for minute details. This makes people more likely to make mistakes in their responses, enabling you to discern the truth.

让我们看看这些建议是怎样在马歇尔和克洛伊的故事中发挥作用的。

Here’s how the advice above plays out with Marshall and Chloe.

在找克洛伊谈话之前，马歇尔收集了充分的信息。他回顾了自己以往参与的项目，与之前的上司和同事进行了交流。他分析了过去收到的反馈，并着重思考如何将这些反馈意见应用到新项目中。

Marshall gathered information before approaching Chloe. He looked at his past projects and spoke to former managers and colleagues. He looked at the feedback he received and focused on how it might translate into this new project.

接着，他提出希望与克洛伊面对面交流，而不是通过邮件往来或线上会议。他以建立信任为出发点开启了对话：“克洛伊，我一向坚持诚实的原则，也希望你能坦诚相待。”克洛伊回应道：“马歇尔，诚实和开放也是我工作方式的核心，很高兴我们有这样的共识。如果你有什么想法，我们可以一起讨论，共同解决。”

He then asked to meet with Chloe in person, rather than relying on an email exchange or a virtual meeting. He started the conversation by building trust and honesty: “Chloe, I believe in being honest, and I appreciate the same in return.” And Chloe responded, “Marshall, honesty and openness are essential to how I work too, so I’m glad we’re on the same page. If there’s something on your mind, I’m here to discuss and work through it together.”

为了建立融洽关系，马歇尔避免了诸如“你一直没有回应我加入团队的请求”这样带有指责意味的说法。相反，他很尊重对方，并表达了同理心：“我理解你一直在努力组建最优秀的项目团队，我想与你讨论一下我如何能够为团队作出贡献。”

To build rapport, Marshall avoided making an accusation like, “You never acknowledged my interest in joining the team.” Instead, Marshall was respectful and expressed empathy by saying, “I can see that you have been busy staffing the best project team possible, and I would like to discuss how I can make a contribution.”

随后，马歇尔继续提问来跟进，以获取具体而详细的信息。他没有问那种笼统的问题，比如：“团队组建得如何？你还在招人吗？”而是提出了一个“假设有情况的直接问题”：“你对于我加入你的项目团队有什么顾虑吗？”

Marshall then asked follow-up questions to request specific, detailed information. Instead of asking a generic question like, “How’s the team coming together? Are you still recruiting for it?” Marshall asked a question that presumes a problem: “What concerns do you have about me becoming a member of your project team?”

克洛伊回应道：“我听说你是个很好的团队合作者，但根据你之前的表现，我不太确定你是否适合这个新项目。”马歇尔进一步追问：“我相信我能为你的团队做出有价值的贡献，你能否说下之前的项目经历中，有哪些具体原因让你感到担忧？”克洛伊表示，在上一次面对客户的项目汇报中，马歇尔表现得并不果断；而接下来新项目的客户以怀疑态度和犀利提问著称。

In return, Chloe responded, “I heard that you are a good team player, but I am not sure whether you are the right fit for the project based on your previous engagement.” Marshall dug deeper by asking, “I believe that I could make a valuable contribution to your team, can you please share what specifically concerns you based on the previous engagement?” Chloe shared that Marshall appeared to lack assertiveness during the previous client presentation, and that the upcoming client has a reputation for being skeptical and asking tough questions.

最终，马歇尔收到了具有建设性的反馈，也清楚地了解了自己未被选中的原因。有了这些新信息后，马歇尔主动寻求指导与培训，并在六个月后，与克洛伊一同参与了另一个新的咨询项目。

Ultimately, Marshall received constructive feedback and gained a clear understanding about why he was not chosen. Armed with this new knowledge, Marshall sought mentoring and training, and, six months later, he worked with Chloe on a new consulting project.

虽然让他人说出真相并非易事，但幸运的是，我们可以采取一些方法来提升获得诚实回答的概率，降低被欺骗的风险。遵循本文所述的这些步骤，并不总能确保所有人都会对你坦诚，但确实能提高他们说出真相的可能性。有时，真相可能令人痛苦，但真实信息对于我们的学习、成长与职业发展至关重要。

While getting someone to tell the truth is a difficult task, fortunately, there are things that you can do to improve your chances of getting an honest answer and to curtail your risk of being deceived. Following these steps will not guarantee that everyone will tell you the truth at all times, but they will make it more likely. Sometimes, the truth can hurt, but truthful information is essential for learning, growth, and professional development.

杰里米·叶（Jeremy Yip） 莫里斯·施韦泽（Maurice Schweitzer）| 文  

ChatGPT、DeepL | 初译   周静怡 | 编校

杰里米·叶是乔治城大学麦克多诺商学院的管理学助理教授，研究兴趣包括情绪、沟通、伦理、冒名顶替综合征和谈判。莫里斯·施韦泽是沃顿商学院Cecilia Yen Koo讲席教授，同时也是《朋友与敌人：何时合作、何时竞争，以及如何在二者中取得成功》（Friend and Foe: When to Cooperate, When to Compete, and How to Succeed at Both，Crown Currency出版社，2015年）的合著者。他的研究兴趣包括谈判、情绪与欺骗。