做好准备承担更大责任的时候，我们已经习惯了站在自己领域的顶点——这通常是成为晋升人选的前提条件。之前的一连串胜利，使得我们只愿意接受自己知道如何处理的挑战。职位变化会让我们踏入未知的领域，我们害怕失败，于是开始犹豫是否要接受机会。

By the time we’re ready to step into bigger shoes at work, we’re used to being at the top of our game — after all, it’s often one of the prerequisites for being considered for more responsibility. Our string of successes ties us to a desire to only take on challenges we know how to handle. Job transitions come with untrodden ground. Our fear of failure makes us hesitate to embrace the opportunity.

就拿我自己的例子来说，我在华盛顿大学和西雅图儿童医院担任医疗主任和副教授的时候，曾经梦想通过改变学术医学界的成功范式来改变世界，通过改善供应商的生活来改善患者的生活。科主任的全职职位可以帮助我实现这个愿望，但收到邀请时我却非常害怕：怕自己没有准备好、让大家失望、招致公众批评、被别人的期待和评判压得喘不过气来。

For instance, when I (Evelyn) was an associate professor holding a medical director position at the University of Washington and Seattle Children’s Hospital, I had dreams of changing the world by changing the paradigm of success in academic medicine and, ultimately, improving the lives of patients by improving the lives of providers. The invitation to interview for the full-time position of division chief was the gateway to realizing my wishes. But I was plagued with fear: of not being ready, disappointing others, provoking public criticism, and drowning under the burden of others’ expectations and judgment.

于是我向萨宾娜寻求帮助。亚当·格兰特（Adam Grant）在《重新思考》（Think Again）中写道，需要重新思考自己的错误观点时，要从两个方面拉开距离：将现在与过去分开，把自己的意见与自我身份认同分开。萨宾娜鼓励我说出自己所有的疑虑，释放情绪和产生反效果的假设。这种方法帮助我渡过了灰心丧气的状态，而非我们期待的惊喜。

I approached Sabina for help. In his book, Think Again, Adam Grant writes that it’s important to detach in two ways when we need to rethink our incorrect opinions: We must detach our present from our past and our opinion from our identity. Sabina encouraged me to dump out all my doubts to discharge my emotions and counterproductive assumptions. This helped us work through the surprising demotivation I experienced, rather than the excitement we had both anticipated.

之后几次辅导中，我们发现了四个阻碍职场人士迈向职业发展下一步的因素，并总结出了应对策略。

Over the course of our next several coaching sessions, we uncovered four demons — all of which are prevalent among successful professionals facing their next big career step — and the strategies we could use to defeat them.

我要取悦所有人

I need to please everyone.

我之所以不堪重负，是因为感到新职责太过沉重：我必须应对更大的压力，在新职位上顺从每个人的期望。我完全陷入了受害者模式，觉得自己不可能拒绝别人的期望，只要还有一封邮件没回就不能停止工作。

I was overwhelmed because I felt the weight of new responsibilities would be crushing; I would need to respond to greater pressures and submit to everyone’s expectations in my new role. My mindset was stuck in victim mode. I thought I wouldn’t be able to say no when others expected something of me or stop working when even one email remained that needed a response.

萨宾娜让我列出自己应当做的事和想做的事，一一对应起来。这个列表帮助我明确了自己的意愿，而非屈就其他人的愿望或应该做的事。我得以从任由他人摆布的立场（受害者）转为自行把握选择权的立场（主导者）。列表让我确定了如何以自己的方式取得成功。

Sabina asked me to create a should-versus-want list, identifying everything I thought I should do and corresponding items identifying what I wanted to do. This list helped us clarify my own mandates rather than bending to the will of others’ motivations or shoulds. We give ourselves permission to switch from someone at the mercy of other people’s expectations (the victim) to the person at the helm of their choices (the owner). My list helped me pinpoint ways to succeed on my own terms.

我要准备好一个完美的愿景

My vision needs to be ready-made and perfect.

我预设自己为部门提出的愿景必须从一开始就完美无缺，简明、切合实际且可行，能用几句话让所有利益相关者满意。我不愿暴露任何缺陷，也不想给别人增加多重负担。全职工作对我来说是件重要的事，但我感到时间紧迫，而且要满足他人更高的期待。

I assumed the vision I proposed for my department needed to be perfect right out of the gate in a concise, relatable, and actionable soundbite with wide appeal to all stakeholders. I didn’t want to expose any flaws or tax others with multiple iterations. A full-time position was a big deal to me, but to my constituents, time was short and expectations were higher.

建立愿景不是一个人的冒险，也不是线性的或者从一开始就是清晰的。追求完美束缚了我们，促使我们预设出一种完美工作的状态，因此陷入停滞无法进步。要解决这个问题，我从一两个创意开始，征集其他人的意见，形成愿景，再找更多的人交流，调整愿景，继续进行多重迭代。这样要用一年时间建立和调整愿景，不必感到必须立刻分享出来。这个过程还可以作为艰难抉择的测试——举例来说，如何应对某位团队成员的家庭危机，如何化解团队成员之间的冲突。不管我们多么聪明、速度有多快，只要邀请其他人合作，我们的想法就会更完善，吸纳更多意见且更能被大家接受。

Creating a vision is not a solo venture. Nor is it linear or clear from inception. Perfection shackles us to preconceived notions of what good work looks like and paralyzes progress. To fix this, I needed to begin with an idea or two, garner input from others, shape the vision, talk some more, reshape it, and continue molding it through multiple iterations. It led to a year of creating and revising the vision, rather than feeling as though I had to share it immediately. It then functioned as the litmus test for making tough decisions — for example, how to handle a team member’s family crisis or resolve conflicts between team members. No matter how smart we are or how quickly we work, when we invite others to create with us, our ideas will be better for having diverse input and more likely to be embraced.

我害怕

I am not safe.

面对新的机会，我们总会感到恐惧。新的规则和期望、未知的未来和模糊不清的目标，都让我们没有安全感。过去遇到的挑战重新浮现，我们又把这些幻影投射到对未来的悲观预期中。

Fear frequently greets us on the threshold of a new opportunity. New rules and expectations, an unknown future, and ambiguous goals all jar our sense of safety. Our past challenges resurface, and we project them onto a gloomy prediction for the future.

我在威斯康辛州的小镇长大，是移民家庭的孩子，被孤立是家常便饭。我不得不学习适应和自我保护技能：小心行事、不要引人注目、刻意讨好别人。承担科系主任的责任，意味着要对难以决定的事拍板，无论如何都难免让一部分人失望。这会激发我下意识的反应：人们不会喜欢我的决策，也不会喜欢我。如果人们不喜欢我，我就不安全。

I grew up the child of immigrants in small-town Wisconsin and am well-versed in being singled out as different. I had to learn maladaptive survival and self-protection skills: playing small, not standing out, going out of my way to please others. Assuming the mantle of division chief involved making hard decisions that would inevitably disappoint at least some. This triggered an autoresponse in me: “People won’t like my decisions, and they won’t like me. If I am not liked, I am not safe.”

这个具体的例子与我个人的成长背景有关，不过我们每个人都在对抗恐惧的阴影，而现实可能并不像我们所害怕的那样。我们的恐惧源于多种需求，比如希望被爱、希望不出错、希望被当作最聪明的人。为了回避恐惧、保护自己，我们都倾向于躲在一边谨慎行事。

While this specific example was related to my upbringing, we each battle fears that cast shadows larger than reality. Our fears arise from various needs like wanting to be liked by others, never being wrong, or wanting to be seen as the smartest person in the room. To protect ourselves from these fears, we tend to hide and play small.

我先是决定在更安全的环境里尝试场外工作。例如，我学着占据更大的物理空间，不再躲在一边。占的地方大了，自信也有所提升。然后我开始明白哪些工作项目和能力需要更多时间发展。我学着“高调行事”，每次尝试一个小实验。

I first decided to experiment outside work in safer surroundings. For example, I learned to stand taking up more physical space. As I grew in my presence, so did my confidence. This then led me to recognize which work items and skills needed more time to grow. I learned to “play big” one small experiment at a time.

另外，与萨宾娜交流的过程中，我发现自己对他人意图的解读过于单一，其实有其他的解读方法。同事可以提供直接的反馈、想用自己的思维方式影响我，也可能为我的成功投入了很多，然后意识到我拥有的数据不完善，或者我的方法之前已经失败过。对于他人的行为动机有了更宽泛的认识，我们得以摆脱束缚，不再像以前一样小心翼翼。

In addition, over the course of a few meetings with Sabina, I learned that I was stuck in a single story about other people’s intent, and that other interpretations were possible. Sure, a coworker could offer direct feedback, trying to manipulate me to their way of thinking, or they might be deeply invested in my success and realized I didn’t have all the data or that my approach had been tried unsuccessfully previously. By expanding the possible reasons for someone’s behavior toward us, we liberate our minds from playing small and release them into a larger arena.

我会被当成懒惰、自私、任性妄为

I will be seen as lazy, selfish, and self-indulgent.

当患者需要关注、同事需要回应、医护人员需要培训，我怎么能悠闲地读一本闲书？

Who am I to read a book for pleasure when patients need attention, peers require responses, and physicians crave coaching?

从事高压工作，需要时间缓解压力和充电。待办事项清单是永远处理不完的。但这并不意味着连睡觉的时候都要记挂这些。赛·韦克曼（Cy Wakeman）在播客No Ego 中提到，为了不彻底停止工作，我们需要在夜里和周末停止工作。每天结束工作之前，列出明天必须完成的一件事，为其余任务排出优先顺序。设定一个结束工作日的固定仪式。晚上要关掉电脑，走出办公室——在居家工作时期，可能只是走出书房、走进起居室。提前一两个月安排时间进行自我照顾，并向团队成员说明自己要稍作休息。即使只是告诉别人自己要在生日这天休假也可以。对同事保持透明，也能帮助他们克服一些障碍。

High-pressure jobs require time to destress and reenergize. The to-do list never sleeps. But that doesn’t mean you need to bring it to bed with you. Cy Wakeman once noted on the No Ego podcast that to avoid quitting our jobs, we would need to quit our jobs every night and every weekend. Before completing work each day, list one thing you must finish the next day and prioritize the rest of your tasks. Create a ritual that marks the end of your workday. Shut down your computer and walk out of your office for the evening — even if that means stepping over the threshold of your study and into your living room when you’re working from home. Block time a month or two in advance for self-care and communicate these mini-breaks to your team. Even just take the day off for your birthday and tell others about it. Transparency with your colleagues allows them to slay their own demons.

被自己的恐惧和错误期望束缚，我们就无法实现梦想。了解内心阻碍自己前进的因素，就可以设法克服，为自己、团队、组织和我们服务的对象全力以赴。

We cannot fulfill our dreams if our own fears and false expectations hold us back. Shining a spotlight on and naming our demons allows us to set the terms under which we do our best work for ourselves, for our teams and organizations, and for those we serve.

关键词：自管理

伊夫琳·徐（Evelyn Hsu）、萨宾娜·纳瓦兹（Sabina Nawaz）|文

伊夫琳·徐是华盛顿大学医学院/西雅图儿童医院儿童移植肝脏病专家、儿科副教授，兼任肠胃肝脏科主任。萨宾娜·纳瓦兹是全球CEO教练、领导力相关演讲者兼作者，在超过26个国家工作。她为《财富》500强企业的C级高管、政府机关、非营利组织和学术机构提供咨询。

朔间|译  周强|编校